5 Survival Tools for Girls in Today's Dating World

It is time to look at dating like it's a fun adventure - not a chore us singles have to go through to find the perfect person.  And as with any adventure, you're going to want to pack a few survival tools.  In this case, I've outlined a few fundamental mental tools every girl should review before a date.  The goal of these tips is to relieve any stress or anxiety before going out, like a centering exercise.

1) YOU have the power. In every dating situation, the girl holds the power -- not the guy.  Let that sink in.  If a guy asks you out, he's into you.  Are you into him?  Maybe.  The girl will ultimately dictate whether or not things progress.  So embrace that power.  And knowing that you have that power ... relax and enjoy the ride.  Because you're in control.

2) Set your boundaries early. You're on a first date, say coffee or drinks.  Ten minutes in, he asks you about your previous relationships and dating experience.  You instantly feel uncomfortable and go completely blank on how to avoid the question.  Totally unprepared, you end up answering the question as vaguely as possible -- but you still answered it even though you didn't want to.

You've now set a precedent in intimacy with this virtual stranger that you weren't ready to set.  From here, it's a slippery slope to finding yourself in some truly compromising positions.  Remember, you're in control here.  Prepare and practice a few responses for those uncomfortable moments so you'll be able to steer the conversation back to smoother waters.  If a guy asks you a question you don't want to answer, simply say, "That would be a really great discussion to have later," and then follow it up with a question that changes the subject, like, "How's business?" or something a little more surface level.  Like anything, this will take time getting used to, but you owe it to yourself to set those boundaries and dictate the playing field.  Anytime you're feeling uncomfortable, remember you're behind the wheel. So don't get run over!

3) Actions speak louder than words.  Until you really know a guy and trust him, FOCUS ON HIS ACTIONS.  Guys are wired with a Google Maps app in their brains that's constantly rerouting them to the fastest, easiest way into your pants.  Being charming and saying nice things is an ability all guys have, like dogs making big, sweet eyes when they want food. This charm ability is what guys will call upon most often because it requires the least amount of effort.  Common example: He says he'll call you -- but then he sends you a text message instead.  See how words are meaningless there?

We're all familiar with the line, "He's just not that into you."  This isn't the key to decoding a guy's words.  This a key to decoding a guy's actions.  If he's into you, he'll call.  He'll make the next date.  He'll DO something that shows he's into you.  This is KEY because us girls eat up sweet words like they're gold.  But until his actions are backing up his words and you can trust him, take his words for what they're worth: Nada.

4) You can only know how YOU feel. You're never going to know what's going on in his brain.  It is a given that he's interested.  He asked you out.  He's in.  That needs to be enough for us girls.  Why?  Because all you can truly know is how YOU feel, not what HE'S thinking.  This is a pivotal, liberating concept for some of us, so let that marinate.  And remember -- he asked you out because he was definitely interested, but you only agreed to go out with him because you might be interested.  Your goal in the first couple dates is to figure out if he's a contender -- not whether he sees you as a contender.  He wouldn't be on a date with you if you weren't.

5) Like ... don't like.  Hopefully, the previous points have set in.  You are now feeling more confident and relaxed.  You're dressed and mentally ready to go on a date.  But maybe that one fear is still plaguing you. You can't stop thinking, "How do I know if I'm into him?  When SHOULD I know? What if I AM into him?  Or worse -- what if during the date, it hits me that I'm NOT into him? Then what?"

Girls are sensitive to feelings by nature, both our feelings and others'.  When it comes to setting boundaries or figuring out what we want and how to get it, we never want to be pegged as the "bitch".  This a common fear for girls, and it often prevents us from acting authentically.  Going on a date, you only have two tasks: Be observant and have fun.

'Be observant' means to simply notice what you like and don't like.  That's it.  He opens the door for you.  "I like that."  He asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable.  "I don't like that." Eventually, the likes and don't-likes will tip your feelings one way or the other, and that's when you'll know if he's a contender.  Till then, keep interacting with him in a way that you're comfortable with ... because you've already set your boundaries early on.

If the scales do not tip in his favor ... don't panic.  Just end the date with clear intention.  Shake his hand and say something along the lines of, "Great talking to you. I'd love to hang out as friends, if that's okay."  Don't worry about his response or how he feels.  He's a big boy.  He can take it.  You are not responsible for his heart -- only yours.  If he's a sulky jerk about it, guess what?  Not your problem.  He's an idiot.  Move on.

I hope some of this has given you the same peace of mind it has given me.  This is a skeletal outline of tools that I will flesh out in later blogs.  Till then, remember you have the power and enjoy the journey!

Next time, survival tools for boys!  They need 'em.