I posted an entry about a month ago entitled K-I-S-S-I-N-G: How NOT to Suck. Well, that entry sucked, so I deleted it. My main point was that there is no such thing as a bad kisser. I argued that everyone is different and has different preferences, so one's kissing trash could be another's kissing treasure. But ANYONE - even YOU - could be bad at kissing. No one is safe.
If you think you're a great kisser and have your go-to moves ... you probably suck. Why? BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. Kissing is not a one-size fits all kinda deal. That tongue trick you do may have worked on one person, but it might gross the next person out.
This understanding that everyone is different is the secret to great kissing. I mean, you can be good if you have the standard technique down-
QUICK BASIC KISSING TECHNIQUE BREAKDOWN:
- Lips should be soft but firm. Don't be lazy and let 'em hang there.
- Interlock lips. Don't just put your mouth all over his or hers. Ugh.
- Keep the saliva drip under control with a little sucking action.
-but GREAT kissing involves assessing and adapting to the lips at hand. There's a need for constant experimentation and adjustments. Kissing is just sex on a smaller scale. You're learning a new person. You're figuring them out. If you go into kissing thinking you know everything ... what's the point?
When kissing a new person, you are learning. So you're going to make mistakes. Not every first kiss is going to be mind-blowingly awesome. In fact, they're usually not. You have to work at kissing to make it optimal for both parties. The good news? It's fun work.
Coming from a female perspective, I have had to "train" almost every guy I've been in mouth-to-mouth contact with. It's a subtle art girls need to know because most guys are the guilty ones when it comes to finding a process and sticking to it. No deviation. He thinks he's sweeping you off your feet by almost ripping your hair out and pressing his lips to yours so hard that you feel like your neck is going to break. He has no idea that he's not Clark Gable.
So us girls do our little tricks. We're fairly forgiving when it comes to bad kissers, and we'll try to work with you a bit. Take the neck-breaking kiss. If a guy tries to kill me with passion, I might sensually place a hand on his chest and ever so slightly pull away. I'll pause ... but it seems like I'm taking a sexy pause. Really, I'm just pressing the reset button and taking control. That's when I go back into the kiss, only this time setting a new feel and pace. Depending on how intuitive the guy is, this silent communication is all that's needed. It may take a few sexy pauses, but eventually, he gets it. Or he doesn't. Next!
On the opposite side of the spectrum from the self-proclaimed amazing kissers are the people that think that kissing "comes naturally". They assume that no practice or consideration is needed, that magic will happen in that moment and it will be great. Well, these people are too busy watching romantic movies and have probably never kissed anyone in their adult lives. You think those actors nailed it on the first go round? That's probably take 23 you're watching. I'm not saying the fairytale, rock-your-socks-off, 40s Hollywood first kiss never happens. I know it can. But in 26 years of life, I've only experienced it once. ONCE! Total fluke. The memory still torments me ...
What? Right. Kissing. My advice? As usual, be authentic and compassionate and open. And beyond the physical part of it, going into a kiss with the right intention will make all the difference. Don't force it. Don't rush it. And remember from the basic techniques ... In order not to suck, you have to suck a little.
