It is a rare thing when two people transcend falling in love and actually become each other's family and life partners. That's my parents. They are the poster couple for true love. I still catch them making sparkly eyes at each other and exchanging secret smiles. There's never been a question of whether or not they belong together.
So you'd think they'd have an amazing proposal story, something for the ages.
Actually ... no. About a month after they met, my dad was throwing around the idea of marriage. According to my mom, he was drunk when this happened. And then he started suggesting marriage sober. She threatened to take him up on the offer if he kept bringing it up. Finally, they just decided to get married. No dropping down to one knee. No declarations of love. A few months later, the knot was tied.
Time went by. They raised four children and watched three grandchildren come into the world. Thirty-three years of marriage and they're still laughing at each other.
My dad is a humble man. He doesn't often talk about himself and avoids the spotlight in a lot of ways. We have to beg him to tell us stories about his youth. So it came as somewhat of a surprise at my mother's 60th birthday celebration when my dad stood up to give a toast and announced that he was going to tell us a story.
My sister and I had asked Dad for years how he had proposed to Mom. That night at Mom's birthday dinner, Dad confessed that he was always too embarrassed to tell us the whole story of their engagement. "The truth is ... I never did propose to your mom," he admitted. The next moment was surreal. Dad said something along the lines of "correct the situation" ... then he pulled out a ring, dropped down to one knee ... and in front of his children and daughter-in-laws, he declared to my mom that she was the love of his life. He presented the ring and asked if she would accept it. My mom, who rarely cries in front of anyone, was beside herself with emotion.
She said yes.
It was a moment thirty-three years in the making. Dad had been planning it for a decade. When I look at my dad, I see this brilliant man who has set the bar so incredibly high for me and my sister when it comes to our potential life partners. At times, this high standard makes me feel a little hopeless ... especially with so many guys running around. A good man is hard to find.
But a very recent and startling internalization restored my hope. Looking at old photos of my dad from the early days when he first met my mom, he looked like such a ... guy. Old home movies? He acted like such a guy. Holy shit ... my dad, this brilliant man, this Atticus Finchian figure in my life ... once upon a time, he was a guy!
I have to accept the fact that while there are guys and there are men, guys have the potential to become great men. And if I am to embark on this dating journey fully, with love and compassion, I must be open to the idea that my match is currently a guy. This means I need to expand my dating pool to include guys. That's not just lowering the bar. That's throwing the bar out the window.
But like my mom was to my dad, I could be the catalyst to set off that guy's transformation ... and maybe, just maybe he'll become the man of my dreams. (wistful sigh)
Next blog ... The Art of Kissing. Okay, maybe more like Kissing 101.
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