To the guys: I'm really proud of you for clicking on this blog. A guy that cares about self-improvement is hot. Secondly, I define dating as a quest to find your partner in life -- NOT playing the field, which is totally acceptable but not what we're talking about here. Thirdly, please know that this entry is coming from a place of love and compassion and a sincere wish to help guys in need. Guaranteed, this is the blog you must read to be successful in dating.
First step is simple: Man the fuck up. This a loaded statement and not just because I threw "fuck" in there for emphasis. All women can tell the difference between a guy and a man. Guys know what they want, but a man knows how to get what he wants. More importantly, a man is willing to sacrifice to get what he wants. Sacrifice, compromise ... these are words guys don't understand. Guys want to put forth the minimum amount of effort to get a girl. A man knows that the woman he ends up with is making the ultimate sacrifice and compromise by accepting him. So the least he can do is everything for her in return. You might be irritated having read that part and fundamentally disagree with it. Well, that's why you're a guy and not a man ... which brings me back to my point: Man the fuck up.
But let's be realistic. You're not going to snap your fingers and, poof, be a man. The transition from guyhood to manhood is a process. Below, I have outlined a few dating tools to help you fake it till you make it.
#1: Just ask her out already. Like Nike said, just do it. Seriously. She already knows it's coming. She knew you were going to ask her out before you even knew. Because we know. So don't drag it out, or worse, cop out with a text message. This is your opportunity to present yourself as a man and make a good impression. Be assertive. Ask her out. In person.
#2: High school days are over. That arsenal of suave moves you used as a teenager and maybe in college? Chuck it. You're dealing with mature women now, women who are way more into figuring out who they are and what they want than wasting time on you. In the dating world, there's no such thing as just "hanging out". She's not into kicking it at your crib after school. If you say to her that you want to "hang out" and "see how things go" ... you lost her. She's gone. All she heard is "time-suck" and "let's play how fast can we turn watching TV into a makeout session". She's looking for a life-partner, not just another guy. So put the fake stretch and preconceived dating notions away. Welcome to the real world.
#3: Look the part. Do the things a man would do. Open her door. Listen to what she's saying. Ask thoughtful questions that indicate your interest in her as an individual. Handle the tab without hesitation. Make her feel like she's taken care of. Steer her away from glass on the sidewalk (Say Anything).
Don't do the things a man wouldn't do. Don't brag about that model you once dated or how many times you've gotten laid. Don't fart or burp or talk badly about yourself or others. And definitely, do not ask her about her past relationships and/or sexual history. Every girl has been asked by some dude they barely know, "When did you lose your virginity?" This is a very intimate, personal question, and for some girls the answer may be, "My next door neighbor molested me when I was 12-years-old." So don't be a creeper. Avoid this faux pas like the plague.
Don't sulk if rejected. You have to learn to take it like a man. A girl passing on you just means you're not her cup of tea, but she probably still thinks you're a great guy. So if you're cool about it and nice, she's going to recommend you to her hot friends. If you're a dick ... well, you'll be filed away into the bin of other dicks, and I'm pretty sure that's the last place straight guys want to go.
#4: Take the pressure off. Let's face it -- you're interested because your penis is interested. You don't know this girl anymore than she knows you. So let's take the pressure off. Test the waters. First couple dates are about creating a stress-free atmosphere conducive to conversation. If you literally just met the girl, ask her out for a friendly coffee. If you're acquaintances, give her the option of coffee or drinks. If that date goes well and you find yourself curious about her, ask her to go for an afternoon stroll. Dude ... she'll love it. Bring her a flower for MAJOR bonus points. Free of romantic pressure, you'll be able to see if you enjoy each other's company and have an intellectual spark ... which is the spark most girls need to turn the romantic switch on. Chances of making that intellectual connection in a dark movie theatre staring at a screen for two hours? Exactly. So get creative on things you can do together. Keep the territory neutral and the activity simple. Have her meet you at Waterloo Records and explore music together. Go hiking in the Greenbelt. Need a new jacket or a pair of jeans? Ask her to help you shop. Most women will know where to find the deals and how to make you look good. Plus, they'll love any excuse to see how your butt looks in new jeans ... so work that ass! And offer her lunch in return for her services.
#5: No, really, back off. Imagine a girl you may or may not be interested in smothering you to death. Yeah, well we don't like it either. DO NOT text her constantly or attempt to have a conversation over any technology invented after the telephone. If you look on your cell, you'll see a phone icon. That will take you to a list of contacts or a keypad. Find her number or tap it in. Hit "call". Put the phone to your ear. You'll hear a tone. Then a voice. It's her! Say hello. Commence conversation.
Congratulations. You've just called a girl. Why is this important? Every move you make from the second she meets you will be under scrutiny. Texting her nonstop says to her that you're lazy. Liking only her pictures on Facebook says you're a horn dog. True or not, that's the message she's receiving from your actions. So be chill. Like her status on Facebook. Send her a quick text saying hi and how excited you are to see her again. But that's it. Don't think of it as playing it cool ... you're just playing it smart. As far as any physical contact ... read #6.
#6: Make your intentions clear: Coffee was fun. The afternoon stroll was even better. You're into this girl and are ready to pursue. Time for a proper date. Ask her to dinner. Once orders are placed and menus put away, you say, "Just wanted to say ... I've really enjoyed getting to know you. No pressure, but I am very interested in seeing you more on a regular basis." Or however you want to phrase it. Just be authentic. The point is to declare your interest in an official capacity. You're not asking her to marry you or telling her you want monogamy. You're just saying, "Hey, my penis, brain and heart are now in alignment. All three are interested in you." This direct communication will make her face light up. The romance switch will turn on. Time for the first kiss. She's ready for it. After two dates with no kiss, she's going crazy. She's touching up her lipstick or gloss, sending you the signals. Go in for the kill. See my future blog on kissing tips.
There are no fixed rules when it comes to dating. When you sleep with someone and how fast you become emotionally intimate is up to the two people on the dance floor. From sex on the first date to sex only after marriage -- it's all good. It's a matter of respecting yourself and that other person and being considerate. The best advice I can give anyone, guy or gal, is to be as authentic and present as possible when dating someone new.
Happy dating, guys! I mean, soon-to-be men! Next blog will be the tale of the most romantic marriage proposal I have ever witnessed. Stay tuned!
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