I have witnessed the dating misadventures of friends and loved ones for years, never really understanding how it all works. I had the basics down: Guy and girl meet. Guy asks girl out. Guy opens door, pays for meal, and kisses girl on her doorstep.
I have only ever experienced this sacred ritual myself a handful of times -- each time more unpleasant than the last. Around my birthday in November, I decided to enter the "dating world"-- you know -- officially. As a 26-year-old woman, surely the days of immature, inexperienced boys were far behind me. No more sloppy kisses. No more awkward groping. No more games. I would meet an assertive man, clear with intention. He would ask me out, open my door, pay for my meal, and kiss me like Clark Gable on my doorstep.
'Rude awakening' doesn't quite cover it. Surprisingly, guys my age are the same as they were in high school, except now they have the ability to grow facial hair and parade around looking like men. In case that nasty bit of generalizing didn't give me away, I had an unfortunate dating experience a few weeks ago with a total jerk--
And there it is. Did you catch it? The trap? The negative dialogue? Pay close attention. It is so easy for us singles to fall into the bad habit of pinning everyone else with the guilt. "He was such an asshole ... What is it with guys these days? ... Ugh, I hate dating!" This negative spin cycle starts and only ends when you meet your match or decide to swear men off forever. I know this because I've seen it rage on for years in others, causing endless suffering to single gals. In life, pain is inevitable. We create our own suffering. Only five minutes into the dating game, and I was already deflated and disheartened from ranting. I knew I had to shift gears.
Standing in line at Taco Deli with a male co-worker, I applauded him for snagging the last parking spot right in front of the place while I had to park a block away on the street.
"I hate parking," I grumbled.
"Really?" he said with a smile. "I love parking! I always find amazing spots. Maybe you should try loving it. If you loved parking, the universe might throw you an awesome spot next time."
Obviously, this all stems back to one's attitude and putting good vibrations out there. Attitude is everything. Trite but true. If I loved dating, if I truly saw it as an adventure, as a chance to grow and learn more about myself, I could reduce my stress and suffering, and -- shoot, I dunno-- perhaps enjoy the journey!
Once I reframed my view on dating, I was able to look back at my recent unfortunate dating episode ... and I realized, it was actually a really valuable experience. I learned lesson upon lesson about myself and proper dating etiquette. The shift in attitude opened up my mind so much, I was inspired to start this blog. So, it's time to put on my fun cap and enjoy the dating journey. This isn't a blog about horror stories or a series of attempts to answer the question, "Why do guys suck so much?" This is an exploration into the complexity and chaos of human relationships and the powerful wisdom a single gal can acquire simply by being open and compassionate with herself and the poor bastards that get in her way.
Next blog, I will break down a few basic guidelines that I think all gals should know before their next dating adventure ...
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